Hockey brings many special things to the table: teamwork, dedication and passion. But it also comes with a stench that defies description. It’s the mix of the smell of victory and defeat, of hard work, hours of ice time and the mix of hormones and human odor that combine into a noxious mix that can burn out the olfactory senses in a hot second. It invades the bag, the car and every article of clothing it touches. I’m still surprised it doesn’t poison that water in the water bottle.
The Smell and Solutions
Every hockey parent is always on the lookout for the magic solution to the stink and the market is flooded with options. I was once advised to dilute vodka with water and spray everything down and it would kill the smell. On face value that sounds like an ill-advised concept. That is a waste of vodka which I will need to drink so I can’t smell the equipment anymore while trying to find a long-term solution that doesn’t involve telling my child to take up an instrument instead of hockey.
When the smell finally became too much for me to bear, I googled and checked Pinterest and the consensus seemed to lie with Rockin’ Green soap. A few clicks later and the “magic” soap was en route and I started getting excited about clean gear wishes and sweet scents dreams. Okay, I wasn’t that optimistic, but anything was worth a shot after picking up my daughter’s practice jersey to throw in the wash and damn near passed out from the smell.
Her pants were new at the end of the season, the chest protector, shin pads and elbows pads were all cleaned with detergent after the seasons last game so the level of funk that arose in a mere 3 months was astounding. Granted, there were clinics and coaching sessions, but still. The problem became all too apparent when I dropped off my car for service and two days later, we hoped back in and my son declared, “the car smells good.” That lasted a hot second until my daughter put her hockey bag back in and he then pronounces, “Ewww, what is that smell? It’s like my dirty sneakers invited rotten bananas to a party.” He was right and I was clicking my way toward hope and two-day free shipping.
The Experiment Begins
The moment it arrived, I opted for the Active Wear variety, I did a cursory scan of the instructions as I filled the guest bath with water as my daughter collected her gear and deposited it in the tub. A small hint of brownish tint started to ooze out from the pants, just in water which didn’t bode well for the process. What in the world is trapped in this gear? I added the Green Soap gave everything a good swish and walked away for 60 minutes.
I have to say the soap itself smelled pretty nice, so at the minimum there wasn’t going to be a horrific chemical smell mixed with the hockey funk at the end of this experiment.
An hour later, I tentatively peaked into the tub and was horrified. The water was brown. Not just tinted with a faint cooper-ish hue, no this was full on bayou style brown, silty water that gave me pause about putting my hand in. An alligator could have slipped in and was waiting for dinner under that scuzzy mess. As the tub drained there was even solid residue left along the bottom. Again I question what in the hell was trapped in those pads. I do need to stop asking myself dumb questions – I know deep down, I don’t want the answer.
I rinse and rinse until the water runs clear. The dang pants take forever, but in the end I worked my way from ice tea to crystalline. Straight out into the sun and summer heat for the final step.
In the meantime, I collected the jerseys and tossed them, some detergent and Green Soap in the washing machine and again hoped for salvation.
The Results
In the end, the gear and the jerseys came out clean and fresh smelling. Nary a hint of the former funk remained and aside from risking the life of my guest bath and washing machine (I was pretty certain they would crack or break under such a monumental task), I was thrilled with the results. Now if only I could fit my car into the tub, then we would have something to really celebrate!
